What Does it Mean to Love One Another?
Is ‘love’ really all you need? If John Lennon were still alive, he’d probably tell you “yes”. He, after all, cowrote the Beatles’ hit “All You Need is Love”.
Do you know how many times the word ‘love’ is used in that song? I stopped counting at forty.
Do you know how many times the word ‘love’ is defined in that song? Not once. The definition is never given; it’s assumed. And modern expressions like “Love wins” and “Choose Love” do the exact same thing. In such songs and slogans, the definition of love is never given; it’s assumed.
You might be inclined to think such an assumption is safe. After all, it sounds simple enough, doesn’t it? To love one another? But is it? It begs the question, that we know what ‘love’ means. Well, do we? What does it truly mean to love one another?
A Need for a Greater Definition of ‘Love’
In this season of great division, we desperately need a greater definition of love; because ‘love’ is not merely predicated upon an impersonal definition: it presupposes a personal definer – a greater someone upon whom this definition is objectively built.
This is why Jesus says “Love one another, as I have loved you.”
If Jesus had only commanded “Love one another” Christians would be left with no referent of ‘love’ to reference. Without an objective reference point, we’d all be left wondering:
How are we to love one another?
Why should we love one another?
What does the word ‘love’ even mean?
If Jesus’ command only said “Love one another”, then you and I would be in a position to define the terms as we see fit. If Jesus’ command only said “Love one another”, then we could define who ‘others’ are - and who ‘others’ are not. Apart from any objective reference point, then we would be in a position to not only define how we are to love, but also the very definition of ‘love’ itself! We could define ‘love’ to mean whatever we want.
Without a reference point, we could define ‘love one another’ as never offending other people – even at the expense of living and telling the truth. We could define ‘love’ as whatever seems en vogue and trendy – even it meant compromising our convictions. We could define ‘love’ as something I only extend towards those who make me happy – or towards those who are like us – those who look like us, think like us, and talk like us. We could define ‘love’ as endorsement of all kinds of lifestyles. We could define ‘love’ as whatever feels good – “because if it feels good, it must be good.” Without an objective reference point, ‘love’ is whatever we want it to be.
Defining What Love Isn’t
And such a relative definition of love might sound attractive. But if you get to define what ‘love’ means, what’s to stop anyone from loving others conditionally? Quid pro quo? If love’s definition ebbs and flows with cultural convention, why, then, not just love conveniently? When it’s easy – and then give up when it’s hard?
What happens when your definition of love conflicts with mine? Or your friend’s? Your spouse’s? Who is right? Whoever gets their way? Whoever shouts the loudest? Whoever doesn’t end up on the couch? Whoever doesn’t get cancelled?
We can insist all we want that “Love is love is love is love.” But such insistence isn’t evidence for what ‘love’ is - just more question begging. What does the statement “Love is Love is Love” even mean? Semantically, it means absolutely nothing. What it does mean is that meaning has been evacuated from the word ‘love’.
But that’s what happens when we define what ‘love’ is: we invariably discover what ‘love’ isn’t.
Would a loving wife cling to a relative definition of love when her husband gets black out drunk every night? Or a loving husband when his wife has an affair? Would a loving parent insist love is relative when their two-year-old is running towards a busy street? Would we really say in those circumstances, “Who am I to impose my definition of love on them?” No, we wouldn’t. Because no one truly believes that ‘love’ is relative – that love is whatever we want it to be.
We desperately need an objective foundation to define love, and it can’t be us. And if we double down and insist that we get to define who we should love, how we should love, and what love is, we’re building a castle on a cloud, with our feet planted firmly in midair.
All poetries aside, we’re going to get wrecked.
Defining What Love Is
Notice, Jesus doesn’t say “Love one another, as you see fit.” He doesn’t say, “Love one another, as you define what love is.” Jesus says in John 15:12, “Love one another, as I have loved you.” You catch that? God is the reference point. Love, real, true love – not a mere romantic, erotic love – but a warm, sacrificial, selfless regard for someone, an affection for someone that visibly expresses itself in actions – that love is anchored in the very being of God. He’s not like love, nor merely loving. God IS love. God is the standard of love.
The love Jesus showed never delighted in evil, nor was he afraid to call out ‘evil’ for what it was - even at the risk of offending someone. Why? Because to say nothing would be unloving; because love rejoices in the truth. Christ defines who we are to love: everyone, the people like you, and the people not like you, your friends, your enemies, your family, and your spouse. Christ defines how we are to love: “as I have loved you,” he says.
And such an objective definition of ‘love’ might sound intimidating. Why? Because we know we are messed up sinners. We hear Jesus say, “Love others, as I have loved you,” and so often we warp that command inwards: “You hear that world? Love me as I define what love is!” Our love is impatient. Our love is unkind. Our love is boastful, it is proud, it is rude. Our love keeps record of wrongs. Our love fails. We slap catches and conditions on our love. We justify our lack of love! We say things like “I don’t have to like them; I just have to love them,” Well, what does that love look like? And would I want God to love me that way?
Do we really want God to love us how we love others? Our love is so often petty, fickle, and fleeting. We make people earn or deserve our love – and then we deny people our love when they fall short. In fact, we even justify our unloving actions. Do I really want to be the definition of who and how God loves when I, on average, can only meaningfully maintain 150-250 relationships – and even then I struggle to love them faithfully? Do I really want to be the definition of who and how God loves when we even struggle to love someone with whom we share the same house – or even share the same bed?
Do we really want God to love us the way that we love others? No. I don’t. I want to love as HE has loved me!
Love as Christ has Loved Us
And how has our God loved us? Jesus told his disciples, “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you.” Did you catch that? God loves you as much as he loves himself! When our love would be limited, God’s love is limitless! “No one has a greater love than this: than to lay down one’s life for their friends.”
Jesus, out of his undying love for you, laid down his life to save you! Because you are precious, dear, and valuable to him! We were born with the deadly disease of sin – born spiritually lost, spiritually blind, and spiritually dead – only deserving of God’s eternal wrath! And when God’s righteous justice drew its crosshairs on you, Jesus selflessly stepped in the line of fire.
On the cross of Calvary where Jesus died, God’s love and justice converged. The blameless Lamb of God was slain as the sin offering once and for all for the entire world! And from the blood that Jesus’ shed for you and me, there we find forgiveness! There, our peace with God is secured! There, we are reconciled to God forever! Christ got everything we deserved, and gave us everything we didn’t! Scandalous love? Yes. Amazing love? Absolutely!
Your God and Savior Jesus carried the brokenness and dysfunction of every relationship, every family, and every marriage to the cross – so we would be family with him forever. He, in love, became a servant for you. He, in love, submitted for you!. He, in love, laid down his life for you. He rose for you. He reigns for you.
You and I aren’t in relationship with God because we were worthy of his love! Quite the opposite! We weren’t! God’s undeserved love for you isn’t because you possess some inherent quality that makes you desirable to him, nor is it because you did something to win or woo our way into his heart. You didn’t choose him. He, in love, chose you.
That is love – not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to save you. Jesus’ love is not only your model, but your motivation for the love you will show and share in your lives, in your community, in your families, and in your marriage. And when your love falls short – when you struggle or fail to love as Christ has loved you – run back to the cross, and see and hear your God assuring you of his abiding love for you and the forgiveness you have in Jesus. In Christ, we are no longer called God’s enemies, but his friends! God’s family! That’s love!
Do we really want God to love us the way that we love others? No. I don’t. We want to love as HE has loved us! So, do just that. Love one another – as Christ has loved you.